It’s not exactly ground-breaking satire to complain about National Rail. Anyone who has ever experienced rush-hour commuting will undoubtedly have the words ‘we are sorry for any inconvenience caused’ tattooed across their heart, and will be so accustomed to functioning in intensely overcrowded conditions that even an armpit directly across the face is not enough to deter the devouring the Metro’s ‘guilty pleasures’ section.